Why I struggle with Valentine’s Day

Wonderful thoughts, Vicky! My husband and I got engaged on Valentine’s day 16 years ago, so I’m biased, but I have to say that before being married, I may have bought in to the “hearts and flowers” stuff a little. But now I like to think that with time and maturing, our marriage itself is a wonderful celebration of the four loves. That’s one of the reasons we always celebrate Valentine’s day with our kids — because they’re such a part of the love we share. 

I think it’s possible to rise above the cultural (profit-driven) expectations of this holiday, and still find ways to enjoy it. My husband enjoys searching out the perfect Red Velvet Cake for me, and we both love preparing heart-shaped pancakes for our daughters for breakfast. Our whole family talks about the love of Jesus as part of our day. It’s all in what you make it.

Food for thought. Thanks x

Great article Vicky! And I prefer to celebrate St. Cyril and Methodius Day tomorrow (it’s got a better ring to it!) – they were two great missionaries to Eastern Europe: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saints_Cyril_and_Methodius

As someone who didn’t get married until he was 41, I well remember how excruciating and excluding Valentine’s Day felt. The one time I heard something helpful was in chapel on 14th February one year at theological college. My Aussie friend Steve led worship that morning. “Welcome to worship for Valentine’s Day,” he began. “This is the anniversary of the day Lynda and I lost our baby.” While of course I would never have wished that event on them, I was grateful to know that someone also felt pain on that day. Even now in my eleventh year of marriage, I hope I never forget how painful the day is for many.

Great Blog Vicky! The thing that stirred in my heart as I read this was… “Why wait for THIS Particular Day?”
Why not Love 24/7… 365 Days a Year? Are we not Called to a LIFE of LOVE?
Is it not what Stirs Us? Motivates Us? If Not then we are Not Walking in Relationship with CHRIST Close Enough. The Closer You Draw To HIM The FULLER Your Heart Will Be For HIM & Humanity!
A Life LIVED LOVING Is A Life LIVING FULFILLED.
GOD Bless You Vicky!

With Love,
Your Brother In CHRIST,
Thomas Veal =)

Looks like my other comment disappeared, bit confusing! Anyhow, a great post & totally agree – having a day devoted to celebrating God’s love for us, how we’re valued and loved infinitely by Him, is a great idea – and it’s so much better than the romance/commerical-driven Valentine’s Day that culture celebrates. Thanks for this post.

Great blog, Vicky! I never really connected The Four Loves with this day. Your distinguishing true eros from the sentimentality and syrup of Valentines Day was challenging and informative. I also appreciate the view into the cross you aim at the heart of redeeming the day. Best wishes! And Happy…uhh..DAY!!! (Nothing fluffy for you, but I do hope you get chocolate!)

My goodness does that hamster actually have a red rose behind its ear?! I mean really…

Really great post, thought-provoking on many levels, thank you.

Yeah – if your love is the fluffy cloud variety, all it takes is a few drops of rain, and the cloud’s gone…  Where we live, we’ll end up with a bunch of girls excited by their red roses, and another bunch probably pretty gutted by the fact they didn’t get any.  Doesn’t seem like such a great day then…

I agree completely that there is a command for us to think afresh as Christians and we must be mindful not to be “shaped by the world”.  I absolutely detested Valentines day for several years but as a married woman I think it is not beyond expectation that we should experience outpourings of love from our spouse on occasion – Song of Songs is an exquisite book of poetry and one which confirms that love can be passionate, desperate, protective…as long as it is not unhealthy in it’s approach.  Celebrating love is something all Christians should do daily in their life of worship of God not just one day a year – partaking in a nice meal, sharing personal messages in cards with our loved one and extending that celebration to everyone we care for is can’t be knocked though :).  All glory to the author of love.  Blessings one and all – in His name. 

I agree with celebrating love – not just between my husband and me, but my family as well. I will be baking heart shaped cookies for everyone tomorrow. I like the hamster tho…

A great article, Vicky. My wife used to give Valentine’s cards to her family on Feb 14th. “Romantic” love need not be the only love celebrated on that day. I agree that our culture has done much to undermine what love really means. Thank you for this reminder. :)

Great blog Vicky… Odd society that is too embarrassed about Eros, that makes adult love about fluffy hearts and puppies… Whilst feed our children a message of dressing like sex objects is fine for 10 year olds… Totally screwed up..

Wonderful, thanks Vicky and sending you lots of love!  xx

There is a time for everything and, in a family with a ministry, married life can take a secondary place to serving anyone else. Christmas and Easter are really difficult times in our house, I bear the brunt of childcare and household chores as my husband works doubly hard meeting the needs of increased church activity and outreach in society. It seems appropriate to claim a feast day to provide focus on Eros. The church, in contrast to society, has often vilified love that is expressed sexually, sensually or intimately. I’m all for a life of service and sacrifice…I don’t begrudge the life we live. However, it is a good thing to celebrate the day, without needin to turn it into yet another mission activity.

Someone once sent me a valentine’s day card from Jesus. Hideous.

Go Vicky!

Thank you so much for this, Vicky!
It is not often that this day makes me feel anything but sadness – tomorrow I shall seek to share the whole of love, not just one distorted and damaged part of it.

I can recognize some of my changing and effervescent opinions on the subject of love in your blog editorial :) Mine are all the more easily espoused as I have not experienced it in the most straightforward way, i.e) falling in love myself. I agree the fuss is perplexing. I’ve given the special day over to considered thought over the past few years. As my social life nose dived seemingly irretrievably my feverish dislike of St. Valentine grew and peaked no less than a couple of years ago.

Romance is now chiefly a matter of idealistic theory and is not practicable in any way in my Rapunzel like exile from the civilized world and its mediating graces.

St. Valentine, however, I’ve grown fond of. I have an odd foible about hagiography and like to adopt the lame ducks. The barometer of holiness fascinates me. There’s something intangible about saints long gone and undoubtedly badly represented which throws some light upon our most obscure and enduring societal values. In this case, the right to a private life.

Consider, the fast, opposed marriage; the snatched, badly remembered vows spoken hastily in the shadow of Empirical, state sponsored, secular or occultist persecution. The paternal love of Valentine. I, at least might suppose his lovers married for affection and most importantly because they had the right to make decisions about their future, even if they turned out to be shockingly bad ones.

You’re right. We’re saved by not knowing the end of the stories. Probably they turned out to be as miserable as everybody else.

Four types of love I find unnecessarily confusing. The idea of having four different modes to present to myself and my imagination; four filters through which to profile my feelings, I am not sure is helpful. I can see your point, we have different relationships to different objects which are mediated by these different mechanisms of mind, will and body.

I’m no philosopher but there must be some way of breaking down the functions and interactions of relationships and assigning them to one or other category. I’m just not sure I could do it.

Thanks for helping me exorcise the ghost of George Elliot. Great blog post

Since high school, my nickname for Valentine’s Day is Forced Romance Day. I don’t like the fact that if a man romances his woman on Valentine’s Day, he is pretty much off the hook for the rest of the year. Women were made to be chased and romanced, and not just one day of the year. The nice dinner, concert, chocolates, roses mean so much more when they come on a day other than Valentine’s Day. I want to know that I am being thought about every day of the year, not just Valentine’s Day. 

No wonder they are still single ;-) lol.  Totally brilliant blog, utterly right on. Speaking as a married person, you may have Feb 14th to celebrate all kinds of love – those of us who aren’t single have our own anniversaries to celebrate our particular kind. 

Perhaps this is also a good opportunity to ask why it is that although we may rightly reject rigid gender roles in work and church ministry, we often still apply them to relationships? Wouldn’t we be a little concerned about a man who was looking for a woman to take the initiative in everything and “ride in on a white horse, rescue them from all their questions, fears and problems and hand them a perfect life on a plate”? (I understand from the context that’s not your view of eros love, but I reckon you’re right that it’s a view that’s still widespread). 

And can I be the first here to wish you happy valentine’s day in a totally platonic, based-on-immense-intellectual-respect kind of way?

Bla bla bla. You could have reduced that to a few sentences rather than a novel. Valentines day ain’t real. It’s a money making scam day. Give your money to your wife so she can buy bread n milk not line the pockets of corruption.

“True eros is much more about the beautiful choice to love through tough times when it feels like all hell breaks loose…”

I couldn’t agree more! Having just celebrated our 20 year anniversary last month, I can tell you that the CHOICE is so much more than the FEELING could ever be… Thanks for your great insights!

I think I always struggled with it in a way. I remember one time at Upper School that a girl in the year above me had this massive bunch of flowers. They’d been delivered to the school by her boyfriend and she was like the envy of most of the girls – even the ones who tried to ignore the fact. 

I think when I left school and went to uni I was less bothered about it – the guys who I came into contact with were just through church and there was only two lads in our class and both of them were interesting but were both non-Christians – following my mishaps and mistakes while I was at school I decided that I was going to go about the whole dating/having a boyfriend thing differently and that mind set seemed to change alot of things actually. 

My best friend Chris and me would spend most days chatting via MSN or Skype – I’m sure to a certain degree that wasn’t healthy but it was that or going out with friends in town and I didn’t (and still don’t really) like clubbing. I preferred karaoke at the local pub lol. One particular birthday Chris had got a padded envelope and filled it with goodies, there were two CDs (actually this birthday present introduced me to your music Vicky!), some bracelets made of wooden beads and some other bits – I was so excited when it arrived in the post because I knew by the postmark who had sent it – I think I sat in the hallway at my parents house about a metre behind the front door and opened it there all over the floor!

Somewhere along the line me and my best friend got together. In May we will have been married 5 years – how did that happen?

Valentine’s day has always been a bit awkward in our house – Chris comes from a family who don’t really make a deal about birthdays like my family do so when it comes to Valentine’s day it’s of even less significance. But I think we’re finding our way of celebrating it. I made Chris a card this year as I know that would make him feel more loved than a store bought card because I took the time and the effort to make it for him, and loading the dishwasher and tidying up the kitchen makes him feel loved because one of his love languages is Acts of Service (the other is words of encouragement). 

I think I’m deviating from the point now so I’m going to clear off lol.

I totally agree with you there Thomas , everyday is a new opportunity to show the love of Christ to someone weather single or married. I pray more and more Christians will see this and wear love on them daily . Thank u Vicky great blog

Thanks for your insightful and inspiring blogs, Vicky. Paul (den mentor)

Not sure where you’re seeing that message Steve, I didn’t state that anywhere…on the contrary I said I am a fan of romance, marriage, love… I just think we idolise one kind of love and promote a portrait of what love looks like that actually ends up creating unhealthy expectations and stereotypes of romance and marriage. I’m curious if you can tell me where and what I said that led you to this conclusion? :)

Thanks Hannah! Seems like you actually read the post and understood it, whereas perhaps others have not! ;)

Another excellent post. Thanks, Vicky. I’m so glad you gave me permission to get Jane a hamster card. It was the least cheesy one I could find when I finally got out yesterday! However all you say about marriage is spot-on. I’m SO grateful that my wife has chosen to stick with me “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health” – she never knew how much of the down side she was taking on 37 years ago. I get what people are saying above about the four loves, but for me it’s useful to appreciate the depth of love that’s possible, encompassing all aspects, and to realise that Jesus revealed a new sort of love, “agape”. (Btw contrary to Wikipedia the second of Lewis’s loves is “philia” (noun) not “phileo” (verb) matching the other three, should it ever come into your PhD!! Something else Jane had to put up with – my pedantry!)

Vicky a truly brilliant blog for today. It really encourages us to think. Love is a complex beautiful matter.

Great post, Vicky!  I did not know that about St Valentine; I need to do my history reading.  :-)

One question that I have pertains to Christ being our “romance.”  Some people frown on the notion of Christ becoming our husband or boyfriend while others embrace it because only Christ can completely fulfill all 4 loves.

What say you?

As my daughter Liberty aptly put it this morning, every day should be a day to show how much you love and care for those around you. that thinking is based on God’s principles. 
One day a year is a pretty poor effort!  Bottom line is, it feels like just another excuse for the commercial world to boost profits at our expense!!  

Occult Re the Roman belief system may not be the best way of describing the pick and mix system they’d adopted. I couldn’t think of another. Paganism may be a better fit in the context. I’m not meaning to imply religious intolerance.

You’ve tackled this topic very thoughtfully and in a positive way. Thanks for writing this Vicky, it was very helpful. Perhaps Christians and Xian orgs could work together on a #4loves campaign? Maybe we could crowdsource ideas, produce resources (e-cards, shareable images, customisable letters) for next year and redeem Valentine’s Day as a day to celebrate the 4 loves not just a warped version of eros. Just an idea

meh. Infatuation and Romance end in domesticity or heart break- they don’t even compare to the love that nothing can separate us from! (Romans 8v 38&39) Praise the Lord our that lives aren’t about chasing after such frail and fleeting ideas!

Vicky, I thought you really expressed the essence of true love. Hanging in when you don’t want to, doing dishes late at night etc. People live in unreality sometimes. As my husband aptly puts it, “Valentines day says I can be a jackass all year long, but if I get you a valentines present you’ll be happy.” But if I don’t get a present, I pretend that I’m mad because I didn’t get a present. Really, I’m mad because he’s acting like a jackass all year. But I don’t want to face that, do I? I don’t want to face that the “love of my life” isn’t what I hoped. So we pretend. (My husband is a lovely, lovely man and we don’t buy V-day gifts BTW….just using him as an example!) Great post, Vicky. Very thoughtful. Thanks.

 I don’t think it’s a poo pooing of romance.  Rather a challenge of ‘puppies and hearts and fairy tale romance’ which ‘doesn’t even do justice to eros’.  It’s not saying romance is bad, but that romance is not enough on which to build a relationship.  I’ve bought my wife stuff today as a token of my love for her, but if that’s the only way I showed my life, and the only aspect of my love for her, our relationship wouldn’t last.  Having said that, I think there’s a sense in which women should have the right (that sounds really patronising, and it’s not meant to be) to dream of being ‘wooed’ rather than just sort of chosen for various intellectual reasons.  I know many of us blokes should be doing a better job of this than we currently manage.  It’s not a question of kow-towing to an unrealistic fairytale dream, but of showing an understanding of our wives (that’s one wife each, I’m not suggesting polygamy!) and a desire to serve them through our love.  There’s a middle ground to be found, which I’m sure will be different in each relationship.I feel like I’m beginning to ramble, so I’m going to shut up now.

Don’t know if you’ll read this comment Vicky… Good content in your article.  Feb 14th is when my wife had surgery … and we found at the end of the day.. that she had ovarian cancer.  At the end of the day.. I could just massage her wonderful toes… and smile at her.  (before crying with the doctor as he came out of surgery)  Yes.. we went through a year of change as you can imagine.  Feb 14 means a lot.  She’s now 5 years past that.. and cancer free- thanks to God!  I just posted a Herbie Hancock “My funny valentine” on my facebook acct.  This day speaks volumes to the “God kind of love’  you mention.. when He saw us through this setting!  Blessings to you.  God changed my life.. when I was really younger.. from a life of night clubs.. and all the stuff that goes with that .. to be a worshipper of him.. for over 30 years.  for that I’m totally grateful! 

Thank you – this is yet another great post! I really enjoyed reading it and got a lot from it, and it’s a vital reminder that love, by its very nature is never one-dimensional.

There is a reason why the marriage ceremony contains the words “for better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part”. Because this is what love is – pervasive throughout whatever life throws at us. And as Christians, life is, and always will be a challenge on so many levels. We never know what those challenges are going to be from one year to the next or why we’ve been given them, and our love for those who provide those challenges is often put to the test.

I totally agree with those who say that giving fluffy stuffed toys with heart-shaped cushions saying “I love you” demeans the true meaning of love. Let’s face it, it’s easy to give a fluffy stuffed toy to someone you think you ‘love’. It’s also easy to dispose of it, or what it represents, if it’s unwanted. It’s far from easy to publicly pledge your entire life to loving someone with your whole heart – through better or worse, riches or poverty, sickness or health, etc.- and often brings challenges that stretch us to the limit. And if that love is not strong (or strong enough), that’s where relationships risk breaking down.

However, this also leads onto another of the real issues here which has been mentioned in these comments above – that is, “relationship”. 1 Corinthians 13 defines what love should be, and how we should be in our relationships with each other – patient, kind, not envying, boastful or proud; not dishonouring or self-seeking; not easily angered; not holding onto grudges; not delighting in evil but rejoicing in truth; protective, trusting, hopeful and persevering. Whenever someone we love (spouse, partner, parent, child, brother sister, as well as a brother or sister in Christ) has absolutely driven us up the wall and round the bend (twice!!) and we need reminding again of what love is, I know that thinking of this passage helps me remember why I do love them and cherish my relationship with them, and why that will never stop being the case.

Hey Chris – Lewis doesn’t get his taxonomy of “love” from the Greek NT, but rather from classical tradition, the vocabulary of which has some overlap in biblical texts. Like so many excellent essays, The Four Loves meanders through familiar territory (for Lewis’s audience) but “thickens up” the idea of love by critiquing the tradition with a Christian perspective, much like Vicky has done in this post. I think we do well to listen openly to both critiques. The result just might be a richer experience of love in all varieties, including the genuinely romantic.

Thanks Steve, I love it when I get to actually discuss people’s thoughts on my blog posts like this, one to one. So thanks for being willing to join in!

I honestly didn’t intend for the post to carry any negativity about romance at all… it’s interesting that you felt it did, whereas other like Nick below didn’t. So I think perhaps it’s in the way I phrased it or something to do with how different people hear it as they read it.

As someone with lots of single friends, I know that huge amounts of people do feel left out on Valentine’s Day. It’s great to hear that you never did. Personally I don’t really either. But it is a fair statement that the majority of single people do. having worked with tons of singles ministries and conferences over 15 years I can safely say that for many, many people – and I do feel safe in saying ‘the majority’ of single people – feel very uncomfortable on Feb 14th as the spotlight is beamed down on their lack of a partner. I think your experience is actually quite unusual. Which is great for you, as you didn’t find Feb 14th a nightmare! :)

I did affirm romance in the blog, and said that I wasn’t trying to undermine it at all. I am a girl after all and I love flowers, cards, affection etc etc… so I’m speaking as someone who is very much in favour of that being a crucial element of romantic relationships!

I value all of that SO much that it grieves me when it’s reduced to fluffy cushions and hamsters, as they don’t convey genuine affection and tenderness, rather a sickly kind of faux version of that and our society buys into it.

Hope this helps!

Awww…that’s really lovely!

Thanks Bills – great stuff as always!! :)

Thanks Meredith. Fantastic to have you here and great to hear your perspective. Please come back to the blog and continue to share your thoughts :)

I totally agree with you – perhaps I came across more negatively in the post than I intended. I do love it as a chance to show people you care…just not when it perpetuates a cheesy stereotype of fluffy cushions and renders the whole thing a bit meaningless!

Thanks Pam. I think I must have come across more negatively than I meant to in my phraseology in the post. I totally love Valentine’s Day and the opportunity for couples to show each other how much they care – in whatever way they want to, whether it is fluffy hamster cards or something totally different! I choose to celebrate it too and rejoice at the great relationships that my friends and family have. I just think if our society broadened the focus of Feb 14th, single people wouldn’t feel so single and would be more able to ‘rejoice with the bridegroom’ as one particular kind of love wouldn’t seem elevated above the others.

It’s interesting that singleness isn’t really celebrated at all in our culture, yet Jesus was single. As was Paul. Perhaps if there was more focus on equally celebrating that, it wouldn’t seem so out of kilter to give Valentine’s Day such a lot of promotion in our shops and culture.

Greater Love has no man than those who give dark chocolate candy kisses to his sweetheart….I wrestled with many of your blogger points over the years and applaud your search for a fuller expression of Love. Without Charity…..yet I relish the opportunity to rain adoration and appreciation to my amazing life partner of 35 years. She is my Rose and I am but the thorn growing by the Bushy path that few would ever notice as they rushed by. One day her tender hand reached out to mine and drew me to her side and a beautiful Rose has from that day been protectively and lovingly entwined by a thorny vine that will cling to her through all of his earthly days. She is truly part of Gods plan for.

To Vicky and the entire VB.com blogging community,

May Grace and Peace be multiplied unto you all, and Happy Valentine’s Day to all! 

     Having said that, of course my wife and I have exchanged gifts and cards today, etc. But actually, I think I get what you’re saying, Vicky. I don’t think you take issue with the love & romance so much as the idolatry many people practice in our culture today. Make no mistake, we are ALL hot-wired to worship, so every human being worships SOMETHING or someone. The difference with Christians is that we worship the true and living God.  

Since our modern culture would rather not worship the God of Israel, I believe that we worship eros, or at least the idea of a perfect mate or perfect relationship.  Celebrities, athletes and erotic love itself are our current gods.  The songs that many (not all) R&B and pop artists create are obsessive in their deification of a relationship or an encounter.  I’ve got C.S. Lewis’ Four Loves on an audiobook, I’ll have to re-examine them, because I have an idea for a post on my own blog, or even perhaps a sermon series or song.  The idea I have came from an insight I believe the Lord gave me while watching Bruno Mars’ “Grenade” video. Wildly popular song, but God showed me this as I watched it and it blew me away:

To Vicky and my fellow VB.com bloggers…..watch that video again.  Listen to the words. “No religion can save me, only you can.  Catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you.” But would he stay faithful if she gained weight? Would he stay committed to her while being surrounded by all the groupies and female celebs?  Don’t know Bruno personally, so I’m just asking a rhetorical question.  

But anyway here it is: The piano? His CROSS!! The road he travels in the video? His Via Dolorosa….watch again and see.  Am I being too deep? Too philosophical? Maybe, but maybe not! He places this imaginary woman in the song above all else in existence. Sounds like worship to me….a description of worship would be anything we ascribe ultimate worth to. *Disclaimer* ~ again, not dissing Bruno Mars personally, LOVE his music! I am describing the spirit of this age represented in that song, as I believe Vicky is doing with all the focus on eros during our celebration of Valentine’s Day.  God Bless You All!!

Twitter: @CamSwanson
http://harpofdavid.wordpress.com

I found this post the day after Valentines day, but going to comment anyways. I am recently single again at age 47. My marriage died due to my husbands unwillingness to overcome the stronghold that sin has in his life. Let me just suffice it to say, I have/had biblical grounds to end the marriage. So, I am a little older, have been married, widowed/single, married, now divorced. I had no problem with Valentines day. I looked for people expressing love to each other. However, I believe you need to show people you love them everyday, not just Valentines, Mothers, Fathers, Birthday’s etc. I am a hospice nurse and have watched real love many times, that never included flowers or cards, and all that. My thoughts are let the people that you love, know it everyday. Someone in another post mentioned the book “Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I have read this book and it is wonderful, it has helped me to find the love languages of all the people I love and not just my spouses. I also want to say something about the whole “knight in shining armour and happily ever after” fairy tale I grew up dreaming about. My knight did come and rescue me, He is my Prince, and He has promised me happily ever after. Of course I am referring to Jesus, He rescued me at the age of 26 with salvation, He is my Prince of peace, and He has promised me Happiness for ever in eternity with Him. I will be a follower of this blog, for sure.  Thanks so much and God Bless!

 How do you know my name’s not actually Freda?  :)  (It’s not, by the way…)

Utterly unrelated to the post whatsoever (and apologies for its unrelatedness!), but I hope you’re enjoying Durham, and the Theology department in particular.  (And the amazing cathedral library!!)  I’m amazed to see, looking at the staff list, that there are still about 7 people there who taught me in undergraduate days, ’96-’99. 
Walter Moberly was my dissertation supervisor, and one of my heroes :)  I used to love that I saw them in the department during the week, and St Nick’s on Sundays.

The real love is missing from today’s culture.  Jesus came to show us the nature of love (HIS nature) by laying HIS life down for us.  Yes, that kind of sacrificial love is possible today as he lives through his followers.  I think that 1 John 4-5 are the best teachings on the explanation of this kind of love that we can all have for one another.  It is the kind of love that goes beyond the simple emotionally driven “love” of today.  I know that I can only love my wife and son as they need to be loved when Christ does it through me.  St. Valentine displayed this love as well by giving HIS life for his “first” love. Thanks for this post!  

Thank you for sharing this with us! It is true, we must be like this martyr, reflecting the love of Jesus to hummanity every single day, not just one day. 

wow i must say, i didnt know St Valentine was a Christians isnt it funny that some of these yearly celebrations.

always have  some real meaning behind them.

i wasent talking about Gods love for us, i was talking about all these events we have each year that, what they are really rooted in.

that the real meaning of them has been taken away.

Vicky,

I’m married and I could care less about getting cards but my wife loves them.

Some women are girly in that they love stuffed animals and they want love which means that out of our masculinity, us men have to show it.  One of the guys at work gave me some dating advice and said I have to grab my girlfriend’s (now my wife) arm and show her that control because he believed that some women like that.  I don’t know.  It is a day that overemphasizes our love for one another and a lot of the cards in the card store don’t say things that I would say or doesn’t emphasize things that I feel towards another person.

The word of God tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  It snowed here and we had several feet of snow and we have a long driveway.  Our neighbor has a snowblower but we have a long driveway and it takes me all day to shovel our house out and I often have to carry the snow somewhere because there is no place to put the snow.  I thought about what “love your neighbor as yourself means”.  For me to shovel just my walk would be for me to just love myself.  But for me to shovel their walk too would be for me to love my neighbor as myself.  That takes work.  That takes time.  It is hard.

Chuck

Thanks for writing about St. Valentine; I didn’t know much about him either.

This might sound like I’m being a bit critical, but I include myself in this too: As an unmarried person, if I struggle with Valentine’s Day, isn’t that my problem? I think it can be a very difficult day (as it was for me a couple of years ago) if you’ve recently been rejected, but even on that difficult day, church was there for me. We read Isaiah 54 together, which was such a comfort, but Valentine’s Day can also be a lovely day. This year I was singing for a group of ladies and telling them how much God loves us. I enjoyed myself, and I thought of my sponsored children; my friends; family; everyone who thinks I’m special, so maybe (as with every day) it’s our responsibility to take 14 February and treat it as an excuse for celebration, rather than a struggle.